you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
