A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
