belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
