does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
