he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
