I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
