Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
