Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
