I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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