I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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