I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
