in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
