You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
