I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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