Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
