my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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