In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
