I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
