I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
