Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
