So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
