i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
