I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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