Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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