It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
