and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
