bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
