we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
