were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
