Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
