Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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