I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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