my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
