I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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