It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
