This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
