i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
