I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
