he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
