I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
