His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
