the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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