some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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