can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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