We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
