I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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