This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
