Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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