So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
