You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
