it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
