my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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